The Book of Freak

This website was recommended to me today by a work colleague. I have spent the last hour reading posts in between doing work and have nearly burst out several times while trying to stifle my laughter in to some kind of spasticated coughing spluttering fit (no offence to any spastic readers intended). My boss now thinks I’m positively weird (as if that was ever in any doubt!).

Click on the image below to visit the site (www.FMyLife.com). I have listed some of my instant faves below the image for your perusal!

My life sucks but I don't give a f***

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn’t have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : “BE MY BABY’S DADDY!” I couldn’t get out in time. FML

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type ‘virginia’ into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for ‘virgin boy assholes’. I have to go on a business trip with him tomorrow. I’m a young guy. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn’t hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can’t drive, our mom drove her there. FML

Absolute Genius! Hours of entertainment…

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies. Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C. Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system. Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial
stuff around. Wear a mask when out in public places and avoid going out in public as much as possible while the swine flu is spreading. Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible. Get plenty of rest. Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR …. You can take the doctor’s office approach. Think about it, when you go
for a shot, what do they do first? Clean your arm with alcohol.. Why? Because
alcohol kills germs. So…… I put on my mask, walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the bar patio (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) and then pass out (rest). The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up flu germs can’t get you!!!!